“Why Doesn’t She Just Leave?” The Hidden Barriers Women Face—Especially in Rural Eastern Montana

By CNADA | www.cnada.org

It’s a question often whispered when stories of abuse come to light:
“Why doesn’t she just leave?”

But for those of us who work alongside survivors every day, the question isn’t why she stays—it’s how she survives.

Leaving an abusive relationship is never simple. And in rural areas like Eastern Montana, the barriers become even greater—complicated by distance, isolation, poverty, lack of anonymity, and increasing use of technology-facilitated abuse.

1. Financial Abuse: Trapped Without a Dollar

Many abusers maintain control through financial abuse, a tactic used in 99% of domestic violence cases (NNEDV, 2022). Survivors may be forbidden from working, denied access to money, or have every purchase scrutinized. They may be cut off from bank accounts, or allowed a small allowance to meet impossible household demands.

In rural Eastern Montana, employment opportunities are limited, especially for women who have been out of the workforce due to caregiving or isolation. A lack of jobs, childcare, and transportation means financial independence—and escape—can feel impossible.

2. Stay-at-Home Mothers: No Income, No Backup Plan

Abusers often encourage or coerce their partners into staying home to care for children, only to use that later as leverage. When things turn abusive, stay-at-home moms often face the terrifying reality of leaving without a job, savings, or a place to go.

Many survivors say they stay because they fear losing custody or being unable to provide for their kids—especially when housing is limited and shelters are few and far between in rural areas like Custer, Powder River, and Rosebud Counties.

3. Isolation in Rural Areas: No One to Call, Nowhere to Go

Abusers work to cut survivors off from friends, family, and support systems, often by controlling communication, limiting transportation, or spreading misinformation.

In places like rural Eastern Montana, this isolation is intensified by geography and culture. Towns are small, resources are scarce, and everyone tends to know each other’s business. Survivors may hesitate to ask for help, fearing judgment, gossip, or retaliation.

As survivor and advocate Anna Nasset has said:

“Living in a small town doesn’t guarantee safety—often, it guarantees you’ll see your stalker at the post office or grocery store.”

And when the local law enforcement officer is a family friend of the abuser—or the abuser is a local official—the danger increases, and trust in systems can evaporate.

4. No Vehicle, No Escape Route

In most rural counties in Montana, there is no public transportation, and rideshare services are non-existent. If an abuser controls the only vehicle in the household—or sabotages the survivor’s ability to drive—it makes escaping almost impossible.

Some survivors report walking for miles, hitchhiking, or relying on strangers to flee abuse—none of which are safe options.

5. Technology Abuse: Tracked, Watched, Controlled

Technology has become a powerful tool for abusers to monitor, track, and control their victims:

• AirTags or Tile devices may be secretly placed in bags or cars to track a survivor’s location in real time.

• Abusers can remotely control smart home devices, monitor conversations, or read text messages.

• Spyware or stalkerware can be installed on phones without a survivor’s knowledge.

• Shared iCloud accounts or GPS history allow abusers to know their every move.

According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence, 85% of domestic violence programs report that abusers are using technology to stalk, harass, or intimidate survivors (NNEDV, 2022).

In rural areas, where survivors already face heightened isolation, this constant surveillance can make them feel like there is truly no place to hide.

6. Cultural and Social Pressures: “We Don’t Air Our Dirty Laundry”

In tight-knit rural communities, survivors often feel pressure to “keep it quiet” or maintain the family’s public image. The fear of shame, judgment, or disbelief from neighbors, pastors, or relatives can keep them silent.

There is also often a deep-rooted mistrust of outsiders, which can make it hard for advocacy groups or state agencies to offer help—even when it’s desperately needed.

As one survivor put it:

“I couldn’t go to the shelter. Everyone would know. And I didn’t want them to see me as a failure or a bad mom.”

What CNADA Does—and What You Can Do

At CNADA, we meet survivors where they are—sometimes literally. Whether that means driving two hours to deliver food and diapers, helping someone disable an AirTag on their car, or placing a family in emergency shelter on a Sunday night—we do what it takes.

Here’s how you can help too:

• Believe survivors.

• Offer judgment-free support.

• Share resources like our 24/7 helpline.

• Donate to help us provide hotel stays, gas cards, food, and transportation.

• Advocate for increased funding for rural victim services.

• Learn how tech abuse works and help survivors secure their devices: https://www.techsafety.org/

You Are Not Alone

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, help is available—no matter how isolated you feel.

📞 CNADA 24/7 Helpline: (406) 951-0475
📍 Serving 7 counties in Eastern Montana
🌐 www.cnada.org
🧭 Find safety. Find support. Find your next step—with us.

Sources:

• National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV). “Tech Safety & Domestic Violence.” https://www.techsafety.org/

• Montana Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual Violence (MCADSV). https://mcadsv.com

• Anna Nasset, “Speaking Out: Living with Stalking.” https://www.standupresources.com

• U.S. Census Bureau: Rural Montana transportation and service access data.

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org